New Year's Eve is like the universal code for what changes would I like to make in my life this year? As long as there isn't literally a gun pointed at my head to make a change in my life, I'm not going to change. Comfort is comfortable. Sure it is. Why wouldn't it be? As I look back over the last year something I don't want to admit is that I've been lazy about my life instead of proactive. I got comfortable. Too comfortable.
When I'm in this situation it's hard to press the play button on my life and move forward. I've been on pause. Waiting. Waiting for what? I have no idea. Maybe it's to feel better. Or something about being trapped in the 'Pleasantville' portion is easier. It's like waiting for inspiration instead of doing the kinds of things I know bring about inspiration. Reading. Reading for pleasure or research either way is a way to find inspiration. Listening to music instead of letting the TV watch me. Or even working out.
The reason I keep failing to make major changes in my life is a multi-layered clusterfuck. One part, the biggest part of it is I keep looking at the whole. I've tried to trick myself a bunch of different ways to break it down into pieces, but the whole problem pops up like a blinking light I get focused on and can only see that problem. The whole is huge. Billboard sign big. And it's flashing with each heartbeat seeming like a lit up monsterous robot that can't be attacked or killed. It's fear of failure and fear of success. The easiest thing to do is not try, so I don't try. I don't even try to try.
So on January 1st, 2015 I promise to take it chapter by chapter. One chapter at a time. And to be accountable to myself if I don't. No rewards. No chocolate bars. No games. No sex or sexual release. And adding in punishments. Change starts with a tiny little small baby step. Just one little step in the right direction. One day, sometimes one hour at a time to fix the bigger issues. So I commit to change. Not because I don't know how to change, because I do.
I've always known how to change. It's a baby step by baby step process. It's my favorite take away from the movie What About Bob?. It really is that easy to change my life. I just have to be willing to take that first baby step to my goal. I only have to promise myself to eat a single piece of broccoli. Wash one cup. Walk up one flight of stairs. Write 100 words. The smallest, even the minimal is all I have to commit. One minute at a time to reach the end.
Easy. Really just that easy. And I promise to do it today, tomorrow and the next day and keep doing it. I won't just start it January 1st either. I promise to start making changes now. That way it'll be easier to start again tomorrow. So I commit to start at least one baby step today. Like this post is easily 100 words. See I started my goals. And yes I realize that means I have to start with a baby step tomorrow, but after a week those baby steps are going to start to add up. So even though it seems like I'm starting over every day, I'm really adding on.
There is a gun to my head if I didn't start. In the long term there is always a gun pointed at my head. The reality is there is a gun pointed at my head ready to blow my brains away and end my life. The health issues are that chambered bullet waiting to go off if I keep doing what I've always done. So I may not be able to see the gun pointed at my head, but it's still there waiting to pull the trigger if I don't make these changes. So here's me committing to at least one baby step away from the gun pointed at my head.
At least that's the take away I got from reading this article for the 3rd time since I found it last year.
When I'm in this situation it's hard to press the play button on my life and move forward. I've been on pause. Waiting. Waiting for what? I have no idea. Maybe it's to feel better. Or something about being trapped in the 'Pleasantville' portion is easier. It's like waiting for inspiration instead of doing the kinds of things I know bring about inspiration. Reading. Reading for pleasure or research either way is a way to find inspiration. Listening to music instead of letting the TV watch me. Or even working out.
The reason I keep failing to make major changes in my life is a multi-layered clusterfuck. One part, the biggest part of it is I keep looking at the whole. I've tried to trick myself a bunch of different ways to break it down into pieces, but the whole problem pops up like a blinking light I get focused on and can only see that problem. The whole is huge. Billboard sign big. And it's flashing with each heartbeat seeming like a lit up monsterous robot that can't be attacked or killed. It's fear of failure and fear of success. The easiest thing to do is not try, so I don't try. I don't even try to try.
So on January 1st, 2015 I promise to take it chapter by chapter. One chapter at a time. And to be accountable to myself if I don't. No rewards. No chocolate bars. No games. No sex or sexual release. And adding in punishments. Change starts with a tiny little small baby step. Just one little step in the right direction. One day, sometimes one hour at a time to fix the bigger issues. So I commit to change. Not because I don't know how to change, because I do.
I've always known how to change. It's a baby step by baby step process. It's my favorite take away from the movie What About Bob?. It really is that easy to change my life. I just have to be willing to take that first baby step to my goal. I only have to promise myself to eat a single piece of broccoli. Wash one cup. Walk up one flight of stairs. Write 100 words. The smallest, even the minimal is all I have to commit. One minute at a time to reach the end.
Easy. Really just that easy. And I promise to do it today, tomorrow and the next day and keep doing it. I won't just start it January 1st either. I promise to start making changes now. That way it'll be easier to start again tomorrow. So I commit to start at least one baby step today. Like this post is easily 100 words. See I started my goals. And yes I realize that means I have to start with a baby step tomorrow, but after a week those baby steps are going to start to add up. So even though it seems like I'm starting over every day, I'm really adding on.
There is a gun to my head if I didn't start. In the long term there is always a gun pointed at my head. The reality is there is a gun pointed at my head ready to blow my brains away and end my life. The health issues are that chambered bullet waiting to go off if I keep doing what I've always done. So I may not be able to see the gun pointed at my head, but it's still there waiting to pull the trigger if I don't make these changes. So here's me committing to at least one baby step away from the gun pointed at my head.
At least that's the take away I got from reading this article for the 3rd time since I found it last year.
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